I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
