I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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