erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
