just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
