i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
