I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
