I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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