I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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