i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Floor bacon is actually really good
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize