Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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