a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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