There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
