just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
