I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
