I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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