Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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