I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize