At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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