So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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