Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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