remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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