Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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