This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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