plz talk dirty to me
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
