You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
