it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
