I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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