My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
