Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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