soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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