Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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