Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize