So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So many bounce houses so little time
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
