I just pynch a tree in the face
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
