why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
it's like iHOP with fire
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
How many fucks given?
0.12846
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
