The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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