he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Text me some of your sweat
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