I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
