yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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