Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
