I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
