you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
