i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
