Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
