Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
