I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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