Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
