I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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