my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
