I want to stick my p in your. b.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
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