Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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