I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
