i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
