# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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