I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
