Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
