i wish semen tasted like chocolate
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Randomize
