Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
