well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
