I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
