I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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