the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
