On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
accomplished twins. life is a go
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
