Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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