I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
