Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
