Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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