This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
