You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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