Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
