I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
