Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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