I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
