Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
